Blog Posts

Dads vs ‘friendly’ old ladies

Dads vs Old ladies

It was a handsome morning and I was enjoying a park bench sit down at the Auckland waterfront, coffee in hand, my little boy beside me polishing off his fluffy with a plastic spoon. Just a bit magic really. Then some ‘friendly’ old lady, overdressed for both temperature and occasion, walks past and comments “ooohhhh breakfast with Dad”. I respond something lame like ‘yeah’ or ‘nice one’. Then I think…. Ok, so you’re just being friendly old lady and I realise

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Avoid new dad Facebook D-baggery

New Dads and Facebook

There’s certainly a lot of bullshit on Facebook, but at its foundations lays an inescapable honesty. It reflects your stage in life. Sure, you might have a few FB friends that are radically different ages to you, but the majority are your peers.  And your Facebook wall that was once dominated by group shot party photos and ‘jealous much?’ beach holiday snaps, is now incessant updates on home renovations and of course – baby photos. That’s where you are in

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Sharks, buses and age-appropriate adventuring

Kelly Tarlton's Shark Bus

“You should never meet your heroes.” That’s how the saying goes, and maybe it’s true. For my son, last weekend, meeting a childhood hero became reality, and the reality proved different from fond perception. It left me thinking not just about misunderstood heroes but considering what is age-appropriate for toddlers in the big bad world. To let my partner and newborn sleep in, me and the little man often head out on early morning weekend jaunts. Often these excursions take

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Prison rules at day care

Razor Wire

Inside the tall walls of day care you either get busy living or get busy dying. I know my 2-year old son has done some easy time and some hard time there. As a three-day a week guest of the establishment he’s still not a completely institutionalised toddler, like the full-timers. He understands the system, knows when it’s lights out for nap time and who he can trust in the yard. He knows to stick to his own drink bottle

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Rating Childhood: The Local Dairy

Penrose Road Dairy
Every suburban kiwi kid had a local dairy growing up. Much like European coffee houses of the 17th century the local dairy was a special community hub where kids could hang out front, share Spaceman candy cigarettes and free thought, eat ice-creams and debate schoolyard politics. In this hardcore expose of 80's and 90's suburban dairies we discuss virtues and vices and Penrose Road Dairy and ultimately rate the milk out of them.
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Toilet training with the ViPoo ad

Like a menacing iceberg waiting for the Titanic, potty training is bobbing up and down on the horizon and we’re heading straight for it. Easter is when the ship is going down at my place, and in a house that’s almost entirely carpeted it’s already requiring serious thought and planning. If everything goes to plan, by the time Jesus busted out of that cave, we’ll have a 2-year old lad that is keeping us updated on every upcoming movement in

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Zombie dad guide to the first three months

Zombie Dad Image

Your child’s birth was the moment you got bit. Then, as you lose more and more sleep you transition through to a full Zombie state, soon the process will be complete. Eight hour slumbers are just fantasy, takeaway containers litter the kitchen bench and pyjama pants are worn till 2pm. The biggest problem for newly enlightened zombies is that soon they must return to the land of the living. That means work, commuting, shopping and talking to regular people. So how will you

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Rating Childhood: Saturday Morning Sport

Saturday Sport Soccer

Love it or hate it, kid’s sport is a kiwi institution. Pick your winter sport, then pick your summer sport and then repeat every year until you wake up one Saturday morning, 14-years old, and exclaim “that’s it. I’m too hungover for this crap!” Till that day, you’re one of the thousands of kiwi kids hitting the fields and courts of NZ seeking athletic glory, parental pride or just after match ice-cream. Now it’s time to bang the boots together

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Is this Auckland’s worst playground?

Bunnings Playground

Ok, so it’s not quite Auckland’s worst playground, but it’s 2017 and no one reads anything online without being click-baited. Auckland’s worst playground is probably a sketchy relic from the 1970s hidden away in a dark reserve somewhere. Resembling a scene from Chernobyl, it exists only to maim local teenagers seeking a late night hang out. This playground wasn’t like that, in fact quite the opposite, it’s newish, clean and very quiet. Sounds perfect right? Nah, not so much. It was

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International Women’s Day – thank God for girls

International Women's Day

Yesterday was International Women’s Day and I approached with the typical awkwardness of a boring white man who just doesn’t quite get it. Arriving at the open-plan paradise that is my office workplace, I greeted the 50-something women Julie who occupies the desk next to me with. “It’s International Women’s Day… congratulations”. After a moment of silence, she thanked me cause she’s a nice lady but then a sideways glance let me know it had fallen flat and a different

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About Instant Dad

About Instant Dad

Instant Dad is every Kiwi dad – except better looking and more bloggy. He’s a faceless representation of all fresh dads in Aotearoa out there having a crack at parenting. Instant Dad likes to clown around, but the intent of this site is genuine - to help dads navigate the pitfalls of early-stage parenting.